


God Knows I've Fallen In Love

by Captainrogerthat



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Anxiety, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Childbirth, Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Fear, Idiots in Love, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Parents Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Postpartum Depression, Queerplatonic Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Queerplatonic Relationships, Romantic Friendship, Sad Crowley (Good Omens), South Downs Cottage (Good Omens), Supportive Aziraphale (Good Omens), Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-06-25 16:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19749427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captainrogerthat/pseuds/Captainrogerthat
Summary: In the aftermath of Armageddon Nope, Crowley finds himself pregnant.





	1. Armageddon  Nope

It didn't take an Angelic messenger with word from Godself to figure that he was with child. Crowley doesn't even attribute the morning sickness or his body's ongoing changes as what gave it away. No, it was a deep innate knowing, not really a holy or magic experience.

It went more like Crowley internally freaking out, "Fuck, what am I going to tell Aziraphale?" He threw up after that mostly from distress and the Demon curled into a ball on the bathroom floor. 

The babies that grew within his metaphysical body made their presence known as their souls intertwined with his or what remained of his damned soul.They felt as familiar as Aziraphale's warm, homey presence that made Crowley relax.

The Demon could make out two very distinct presences growing within his womb.His home was not a place, but whenever he stood on Aziraphale's left.They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle created intentionally to fit together.

If Aziraphale was here, he might even refer to their relationship as part of the Ineffable Plan. Crowley rolled his eyes, and scoffed whenever his Angel insisted God still had a plan for them. 

Crowley was afraid given the predicament he found himself in. Naturally, Crowley decided to avoid Aziraphale and hid out into his apartment. He tends to hid or run away when scared. 

When the Demon wasn't feeling ill with nausea or stricken by his anxiety, he began to fortify his apartment with sigils. He desperately needed to prepare exit strategies and safe houses, it was a matter of when rather than if where Hell is concerned. 

Now, the Demon knows he cannot avoid Aziraphale forever. Not answering the phone, letting his voice mail to go recording, and simply not showing up to tempt Aziraphale into a meal will all give away that something is seriously wrong.

It meant he'd have to be strategic, and get out of his apartment as soon as possible. The Demon groans, he has no idea what to do with his plants or the Bentley. His beloved Bentley does sorta give him away.

The first twelve weeks are miserable, Crowley feels incredibly drained and nauseated most hours of the day. Although, the Demon isn't sure morning sickness is the only factor for his nausea.

It is absolutely fucking terrifying to wonder what what Hell will do to Crowley and his unborn babies if, _when_ they find Crowley. There is no fooling them for a second time. Running away is not an answer, at least, not without his Angel.

, Crowley really cannot raise two babies on his own. Fuck, he has got to think this all through and really plan for all possible outcomes.

He might just survive this and find himself having to raise two half-Demon, half-Angel babies for several millennial before they're even fully grown.

The Demon spends most of his days in bed, listening to Aziraphale leaving increasingly desperate messages on the answering machine with each passing week. He finds himself sleeping for long stretches of time.

While he doesn't have much of an appetite usually, the Demon can't help but feel incredibly famished. He eats and eats only to be puking his metaphysical guts out. Around 14 weeks, his energy begins to return and normalize. 

Crowley hates how sad his Angel sounds on the most recent recording. But he can't give in to the temptation of going home, no matter how much the Demon would love to wrap himself up in the Angel's sweater and get the best, most loving warm hugs of his entire existence.

From what Crowley has gathered a human pregnancy is around 37-40 weeks long. It's unnerving to think he has no knowledge of what to expect given that he is an occult being, a Fallen Angel rather than human.

Fallen Angels do not get pregnant and grow babies within their vessels. Crowley may not have as much time as he anticipates and must prepare for the babies' arrival with urgency.

The Demon begins looking for a cottage in South Downs, Eastern Sussex area. A rural village or small hamlet with few nosy neighbors is most ideal, he begins searching for cottages. He settles on one, and pays cash for the property, able to get a fair price with a minor blessing.

He gets them to agree to an an anonymous drop point for payment and mails the appropriate paperwork to become a home owner. 

Although the Demon begins to find using his grace is draining, especially given his pregnant state. But he is willing to do whatever is necessary to ensure his unborn children's safety

Around the 14.5 weeks pregnant , Crowley finds his small expanding bump is becoming noticeable, he decides it is time to move into the cottage under the cover of night. He brings his beloved plants and treasured belongings with him.

The Bentley is safety parked in the garage, the Demon walks now to the store when he needs supplies. He finds accessing transferring from the National Rail to the Tube is an effective to get into central London within 60 to 90 minuets. He can also drive, though London traffic can be a bitch. It usual depends on the time of day which option Crowley chooses.

It strange to think he hasn't spoke to the Angel in over three months. Crowley desperately misses Aziraphale, but knows the cottage is the safest place for him and the babies to be.

The cottage is built out of sturdy, stones that are hundreds of years old. They conduct massive amounts of supernatural energy, when the sigils and protective spells are placed, Crowley feels a sense of tangible relief.

His home cannot be traced by Heaven or Hell, while it is not a guarantee. The Demon knows his family is likely most safe behind the walls of their untraceable fortress.

A month and a half after Crowley moves into the South Downs cottage, he notes the Angel continues to call his cell phone insistent on getting an answers. It is not like Crowley to totally ghosted his Angel In a moment of weakness, the Demon answered the call, not speaking a word.

But his breathing gave away the fact he was on the line, betraying his silence. The Angel sounded concerned, and relieved all in the same breath. Aziraphale worried that Crowley had fallen into a state of despair as he did from time to time.

"C-Crowley?"

"Angel.", Crowley's voice cracked, giving away all the emotion he was trying so hard to fight.

"Oh, dear. Please tell me you are alright."

"I-I promise I can explain everything, darling"

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Meet me at the second alternative rendezvous, this afternoon in two hours. Walk or use public transportation, do not fly."

"Are you in trouble?"

"No more than usual.", Crowley swallows the lie.

"I'll see you then."


	2. Under Pressure

The line clicks on Aziraphale's end as Crowley hangs up the line. The Demon does not live far from the Lewes Rail Station in East Sussex. It's a twenty-five minuet train ride from Lewes to the Haywards Heath Rail Station where the Demon transfer to the Gatwick Express line. Upon arriving at the Gatwick Aiport Rail station, he takes the London Victoria line where he transfers from the National Rail to the Tube.

Crowley takes the London Victoria line to Oxford Circus, where he has a short walk to the British Museum. He doesn't realize just how much is body is changing until the Demon feels fatigued by the brisk 17 minuet walk.

Crowley arrives at the British Museum with fifteen minuets to spare. He takes a moment to visit the toilet and freshen up. The Demon steals a glance at himself in the mirror, serpentine eyes settling on his growing bump.

While he can miracle the bump away from the prying eyes of strangers, the Demon isn't sure he wants to hide from Aziraphale. His hand is on his bump feeling a flash of warmth from his babies and Crowley smiles softly despite his nervousness.

At twenty weeks pregnant, Crowley feels achy and tired more often. His range of motion is getting more limited as his belly grows swollen and filled with baby. The Demon notices how much his body is and continues to adapt. 

His clothes has changed just enough Aziraphale will likely notice. Crowley is wearing black maternity jeans with an elastic waist, forgive him, they're way more comfortable than his skinny jeans.

He paired the jeans with a faded vintage Queen band tee that fits loosely across his stomach with a pair of black converse with a jean jacket. It feels very much within Crowley's preferences, but his clothes are not nearly as fitted anymore. The bump is visible, and leaves Crowley feeling vulnerable.

Crowley arrives before Aziraphale, and takes a seat in the museum after ordering himself a snack. The Demon chose a ham and cheese croissant with a fruit cup and a bottle of water.

He ensures his weapons are in his pockets, accessible at a moment's notice as he waits. Aziraphale arrives shortly, his whole faces lights up when he feels Crowley and waves as he makes his way towards the Demon.

When Crowley stands, Aziraphale's eyes catch slight of the small rounded bump that stands out on the Demon's slim frame. The Angel's blue eyes are questioning, searching for understanding. But Aziraphale forces himself to take a breath, not wishing to overwhelm or spook the Demon.

He is not angry, but decidedly frustrated and concerned. Mostly, he is in shock, is this the reason Crowley has been avoiding him?

"Oh dear, I have missed you fiercely.", Aziraphale kisses Crowley's forehead. 

"Ditto, Angel.", Crowley says with sincerity as he blinks away any stray tears. Thank God, er, Satan, Someone for sunglasses.

"Sit. I need to tell you something important." 

"Go ahead." 

"I'm twenty weeks pregnant with twins."

"Oh, wow."

"I think they're our babies, Angel. A miraculous blend of you and me.”

"We don't exactly posses the equipment."

"As strange it might sound, I don't think we have to." Crowley voices.

"How then?", Aziraphale asks.

"Love. _Lots of Love_ , Angel."

"That's ineffable.", Aziraphale looked thrilled at the prospect of becoming a parent but he schools his expression to check in with Crowley. 

"Whatever.", Crowley teased halfheartedly.

"How do you feel about it?", the Angel asks.

"Honestly? Nervous, exhausted, but I can't imagine not welcoming them into our lives."

"Is that why you have been avoiding me?"

"I'm _so_ sorry, Azira."

"I forgive you."

"I was afraid. Hell will find us, Angel. It's not a matter of if, but when." Crowley wanted to cry. 

"Do you want to go home?", Aziraphale could sense how tired and vulnerable Crowley felt. He had the foresight to bring a suitcase along with him.

  
"More than anything."

"Yours or mine?"

"Something better, ours."

"Is that where you disappeared to, sweetheart?"

"I wanted to built us a nest. Somewhere safe for our flock.", Crowley whispered.

  
"Look at you, following your instincts. I'm sure our nest is wonderful.", Aziraphale praised. 

Aziraphale holds Crowley's hand as they walk back to Oxford Circus station. After they arrived Victoria and transferred via Gatwick Airport station bound for Hayward, Crowley yawned, and rested his head against the Angel's shoulder. He felt warm and safe as he napped for a bit.

The Demon woke before they arrived at Haywards Heath Rail Station for the final transfer to Lewes. It's a short drive home from the Lewes Rail station and Crowley pulls into the cottage's driveway. 

"Welcome home, darling.", Crowley croons at the Angel.

Aziraphale beams taking in the slight of their beautiful stone cottage.

He shares a kiss with Crowley, "It's perfect."

Crowley leads the way into the cottage and they immediately settle into clean pjs so they can get into bed.

Aziraphale is surprised that Crowley has been collecting items for the Angel was welcome in their home. Unsurprisingly, Crowley had stolen one of Aziraphale's knit sweater and pulls it on. He finds the Angel's scent very comforting at the moment.

The Demon demands some much needed cuddles, letting Aziraphale hold him. Aizraphale rests a hand on Crowely's small bump and is greeted by the babies who jump with joy to meet their Papa finally.

Crowley closes his eyes, and purs softly, he is finally home their souls seek each other's comfortable familiarity. An angel and a pregnant demon built a sanctuary out of love as they sleep limbs intertwined.


	3. Home

Crowley's belly was very swollen, he had gained around twenty-five pounds by the twenty-seventh week of his pregnancy. For most of the second trimester, he had felt incredibly horny and full of energy. It made some fun as the couple explored the newness of their close proximity and exploration of delightful bodily sensations that came when one explored their bodies. But with each passing week, Crowley noticed how pregnancy took its toll. How he felt drained, required naps periodically and continued to crave salty foods all hours of the day. He felt sore and achy as his body was being pushed to its limits. His ankles were swollen, and his back always ached, there was no winning there.

He started to wear Aziraphale's t-shirts out of comfort. Crowley continued to prepare for his baby girls by listening to birthing podcasts, reading parenting books, and visiting the village midwife. Items for the nursery were being steadily chosen, purchased and gathered. The nursery was simple with two matching white cribs that donned star dotted crib sheets and a soft dark purple knitted blanket on each crib railing. The Demon chose to paint the walls a soft blue, he painted the outline of stars on the wall where the girls' cribs leaned against. He chose soft lights, a sturdy soft light lamp, and a padded armed rocking chair with a navy knit ottoman that was sturdy yet had some give. A solar system mobile hung over each crib playfully. On the opposite wall above the dresser was a framed photograph of space in beautiful purples and blues. 

Crowley had chosen a simple bookshelves that was filled with books, a few basket of toys and higher up, a few decor items. He found a few books about space that he chose to display along with a rocket ship, a blocks, and a NASA alarm clock. A toy box was filled with treasures for the girls to discover as they drew, and a soft rug spread expansive across the floor to offer a cushioned play space. The closet was neatly organized with baby things, including plenty of clothes, diapers, and blankets. The Demon nervously purchased a pump after deciding he would nurse the girls once they were born.

He loved feeling his daughters move, kick, and do summer salts. Crowley swore they were always fighting and playing together. It was never aggressive, just twin sisters starting to grow bigger and feeling compressed more each week. He laughed when he could feel their hiccups as they learned to take breathes. It was reassuring to know they were growing and developing as a health,fierce little beings. They had names, though he hadn't spoke to Aziraphale yet as he felt a bit shy. Given that their names were biblical, and personal, Crowely did not anticipate any dissent.

Damn big brain growth was going on as the girls continued to thrive in utero. They were practicing to inhale and exhale in the womb which is pretty incredible if you think about trying to learn to breath under water! They were the size of lettuce this week, weighing nearly two pounds and measuring at 14.5, 15 inches long. Crowley loves to know this kind of stuff it makes him feel contacted to the girls.

He enjoyed co-inhabiting the cottage with Aziraphale, playing house on borrowed time. They ate meals together, shared a bed, and began to make their cottage feel like home. But as an predatory will tell you, Crowley knew it would come to an end. He had a sixth sense for danger as a snake hard wired to defend itself against enemies. A snake could still get eaten by a bigger animal. Hell isn't the kind of enemy that stops hunting its prey either. 

Overwhelmed with an impending sense of doom, Crowley became distant. He spent his days fending off affection and pet-names as if he wielded the flaming sword, plunging the weapon right into Aziraphale's heart. He seemed skittish, putting physical and emotional barriers between himself and Aziraphale. Aziraphale did feel hurt, but he knew better than to corner his boyfriend. A snake only strikes when spooked or threatened, Crowley after all is the serpent of Eden. It was painful for them both. The tension between them could not be contained as 6,000 years of love and co-dependency tends to blow up in your face.

It might've broken both of them when they went to bed together yet distinctly unreachable. Crowley used his large pregnancy to support his swollen stomach and achy back, but he curled himself so impossibly tight into a spherical shape. Even in their cozy Queen sized bed, Aziraphale was far enough away he could not reach his hand out to comfort the Demon. The babies kicked unhappily within Crowley, restlessly discontent which made it difficult for the Demon to sleep.

In the morning when Aziraphale awoke, he knew from the tossing and turning Crowley had not slept. He looked miserably unhappy, a frown and tired, dilated yellow eyes greeted the Angel. 

  
  
"Ant, we've really got to talk about this.", Aziraphale said in a firm, yet tender voice. The golden flecks in his blue eyes shone like the sun consuming Crowley in one swoop. The Demon was soft at the new nickname, he wanted to melt into a pile of relaxed limps and drape himself over the Angel. Aizraphale rarely used his chosen name, yet alone a playful diminutive. 

"Don't wanna.", the Demon huffed, his hot breath blew his messy bedhead. His hair looked messy and disheveled, suddenly Aziraphale had a desire to run his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. It took a lot of will power to be serious when the Demon looked so dark, handsome and broody, almost temptingly so. His Queen t-shirt was tight across his stomach, living a gap of skin between the tee and the sinfully fitted pj bottoms. 

"You cannot keep avoiding me."

"Watch me.", Crowley hissed, flickering his tongue in the air. Aziraphale bit his lip to keep the soft moan from peaking out of his lips. The Angel wanted to simultaneously punch and kiss his boyfriend. 

"You didn't get any sleep last night. I suspect the babies were restless since they can sense that you are upset.", the Angel accused in a soft, voice. The sunshine filled the room and seemed to give him an angelic glow. Crowley could've swore they were back in Eden with the way Aziraphale looked right now, down right firm and firece. He was an unrelenting warrior, the Demon forgot sometimes how strong his boyfriend, the Principality of the Eastern Gate is.

"Get behind me, my damnedest Tempter.", Crowley's voice is fragile, almost like he might fall apart.

"Let me in, my dear. ", Aziraphale pleaded. 

Crowley is quiet like he is caught up in thinking. He is unsual quiet, and suddenly contemplative like a man desperately trying to find the right words to pray.

" _Aziraphale_.", Crowley says his boyfriend's name with such reverence, it's almost like a benediction.

"I'm here." , the Angel whispered, he reaches out to touch Crowley but never makes the intended contact. Crowley took a step back.

"I need you to do me a favor."

"Anything, darling.", Aziraphale's eyes began to fill with tears.

" I need to know, do you really want this?", Crowley gestured to himself and his swollen bump.

  
"I love you, C-Crowley. I want to meet our babies."

  
"Hell will come after _us._ It's a matter of when, not _if_." They both could feel the tension coming apart at the seams, unspoken words finally spoken into the universe. They had a weight, a fear, a truth to them.

"Crowley, we've fought them before and we'll do it again."  


  


"They are willing to do whatever it takes. Are you?"

"I chose our side, didn't I I climbed into a tub of Holy Water meant for you."

"You have one last chance. Kiss me goodbye, walk out that door, and never look back."

"I'll keep choosing you forever." 

"We will never be safe, always looking over our shoulders."

"I'd be with you and our babies."

"Our daughters will be endless pursued Heaven and Hell."

  
"Then we'll raise warriors, darling.", Aziraphale soften, extending his hand to take Crowley's in his. He closed the distance between them, close enough to feel Crowely's warm breath on his skin.

"Do you mean it?"

"Yes.", the Angel said sincerity. 

Crowley rests his head on Aziraphale's chest, letting his boyfriend give him a hug that felt like coming home. The babies kicked as a greeting to their Papa before settling down as the Angel sang an ancients song in Enochian.

"They missed you.", the Demon whispered. 

"As did I."

"Thank you, Azira."

"What for?"

"For choosing us."

They decided to make breakfast and stay in their pajamas. Crowley napped with his head in Aziraphale's nap while the Angel read and stroked his boyfriend's bump affectionately. Things began to settle down between them, though Crowley's anxieties ran far deeper than a single conversation could unravel centuries of fear. For good reason, Aziraphale reminds himself, Hell will erase your immortal soul out of existence if you step a toe out of line. 

A few days after their conversation, couple decided make a drive to Soho to close the Bookstore and pack someone of Aziraphale's things. It also gave the Demon a moment of quiet to purchase a few last minuet baby things. He found a planet garland, a rocket night light, some art prints of space, and two adorable Space themed tummy time activity matts. Crowley smiled when Aziraphale picked out two soft, teddy bears for their daughters. It felt right as the last bits of the nursery were coming together.

They packed the Bentley with their new purchases and Aziraphale's suitcases. Crowley was almost too big to drive his Beloved car, he was suddenly grateful they made this trip. He was reminded they only have ten weeks till their girls are here. They must make the best of time, preparing and enjoying this sacred time between here and there. He looked at Aziraphale for a moment and smiled softly, almost shy. The hour and half drive was quiet while Queen played softly on the radio. Aziraphale held Crowely's hand most of the drive as they enjoyed the sights of the English countryside. 

"Have you thought about names?', Aziraphale asked. 

"Lydia and Tabitha."

"Oh, Ant." 

"Both are names derived from Aramaic. Lydia is "noble one" and Tabitha means "graceful." 

"Hm, fierce warrior women.", the Angel hummed with approval. 

"Our daughters will arise, Angel."

Aziraphale offered a private, soft affectionate smile.

Lydia and Tabitha are both names of faithful women from the New Testament. Lydia, a business woman and hostess who ran a home church. She offers radical hospitality to traveling preachers and insist that her entire family be baptized. Tabitha is a woman who was raised from the dead by the Apostle Peter who told her to 'arise.' Tabitha a woman of faith, witnessed by caring for her community and offering compassion. She cared for the poor, the widowed, and gave herself graciously to others. Crowley often thinks of the word 'arise' with fondness given that Jesus spoke something similar to a little girl who he rose from the dead, saying, "Talitha cumi." The Demon held a soft, affection for a certain Galilean carpenter who died too damn young.


	4. Birthday

The final trimester is incredibly taxing on Crowley’s energy. He requires more sleep and even more calories to keep up. He’s gained fifteen more pounds for a grand total of 40 pounds gained during his pregnancy.

His entire body aches, clothes are too constricting and he can never get comfortable. Crowley feels so full of baby, his skin stretched across his middle exhaustingly tight. But damn, does Aziraphale believe the Demon is truly proud of himself. 

He is undeniably in love with their daughters. Crowley often sings or talks to his belly when he thinks Aziraphale isn’t listening. His skin seems to radiant with pride and happiness despite his exhaustion.

Most days Crowley can be found nesting in the nursery. He has already deep cleaned the house, mass produced Dinner casseroles to be frozen and asked Azirapahle to install the carseats. He is knitting delicate baby things, yelling at his plants and taking lots of naps. It all sounds pretty normal.

Crowley seems to take it all in stride until his due date comes and goes. He arrives at the 40 week mark and begins to grow anxious. He wanted to be hold his babies in his arms by now.

The midwife insists they will come on their own time. By 42 weeks and one day, Crowley was down right pissed. His entire posture seethed with frustration, Azirapahle was almost afraid to bother him. He seemed like he might snap. 

At breakfast, Aziraphale noticed how his boyfriend picked at his food. The demon didn’t seem real hungry, just grumpy. 

“I bet a walk and fresh air might help, Ant.”

”Yeah, let’s give the neighbors an eyeful. Two supernatural entries trying to bring on labor, nothing to see here.”

”Get a wiggle on.”

”Whatever.”

He grabbed a t-shirt and went for a walk with Aziraphale as he grumbled the entire time. 

He hissed in discomfort, rubbing gingerly at his back.

”You alright, dearie?”, Aziraphale asked, concerned.

“Back hurts.”

”I promise I’ll rub your back when we get home if you want.”

Crowley made it back the cottage before he had the same pain again. He made a face, and hissed out a strained breath. He was having the pains every ten minutes for thirty to forty-five seconds.

The Demon did not want to be touched and went to lay in his dark bedroom for a few hours. His contractions, he realized were becoming more regular with varying intensity.

Aziraphale worried but let Crowley be. The Demon appeared around lunch famished and achy. His temper also seemed to be more tame.

”C-Can I have a ham and cheese toastie?”

”Sure, love.” Aziraphale tenderly kissed Crowley’s forehead and the Demon leaned closer.

The Demon continued to labor while Azirapahle made lunch. His contractions were now, every eight minutes apart. They were beginning to pick up. 

Pain made Crowley retreat into his own headspace. It reminded him of falling,how he cried out for mercy and justice was denied him. The Demon after all just asked question, sauntering vaguely downward. He is not notorious evil, Crowley simply likes mischief and chaos . He wouldn’t hurt another living soul.

When the contraction subsides the Demon notices Aziraphale’s concerned glance. A frown visible on his boyfriend’s angelic face. Crowley had disappeared, nonverbal and unresponsive for more than forty five seconds.

”You were gone.”

”Ah, pain makes me reclusive.” 

“Oh, dear. Anyway I can help?”

”Ask before you touch me, but I mostly don’t mind you comforting me or offering verbal reassurance.”

”I can do that.”

”Thank you, Angel.”

”No problem, darling.”

Crowley has his entire sandwich and half a protein shake before deciding to run a bath. He continued to labor through the afternoon with contractions coming every seven minutes. The Demon took his time washing up, staying in the tub still he was wrinkled.

He toweled off and changed into loose fitting pjs.After his bath, Crowley decided to take a nap. He needed the rest to continue laboring strongly.

He awoke around 4:45 pm to worsening contractions. They were getting much stronger and longer, coming every six minutes for fifty-five seconds. 

Crowley began to moan quietly, rocking his hips on all fours as he laid on the yoga mat. He tried to use yoga to relax his tense muscles. He let Azirapahle rub his back between contractions and fed him ice chips.

It was grounding to hold Aziraphale’s hand. Crowley began to focus on his smoothing presence.When the contractions was over, the Demon hissed.

”Fuck.”

”Anything I can help you with?”

”I want to move.”

With assistance, Crowley stood and moved to seal himself over the birthing ball. He let Azirapahle help him get a few slips of water before letting the contraction wash over him.

He closed his eyes, and slipped into his own headspace until the pain passed. Azirapahle was right there to kiss his temple and speak encouragement. 

They stayed like that for some while before Crowley got tired and laid down for a bit with a pillow between his legs. He rolled side to side encouraging the babies to descend further into the birth canal.

By 7:00 pm, Crowley was resting his head against the wall using the birthing ball for support as he squats. He desperately wants to relive the pressure of his achy back and rock hard stomach.

When he breathes funny, baring down lightly, the Demon’s water breaks during a contraction. Crowley shouts for Aziraphale so relived to see progress.

”Angel, my water broke.”

”That’s so bloody good progress, my dear.”

”Fuck yeah it is.”

With contractions coming very five minutes or less, lasting 60 to 90 seconds, Crowley knows they’re in the home stretch after over 10 hours of labor. 

He takes off his sodden clothing, urgently feeling the need to be in his quiet hard room with no constrictions.

While Aziraphale mops up, the Demon labors on in the shower. He lets gravity help his labor progress as water soothes his contracting muscles. 

The midwife is on her way, preparing to assist the couple in birthing their babies. Crowley is violently ill, throwing up and keeping his eyes squeezed shut as the Angel holds a wet cloth on his boyfriend’s forehead.

His body is shaking from the pain and exhaustion of laboring for so long. The Angel helps him through the sudden bout of nausea. 

Aziraphale miracles the door open when the midwife, Alice arrives. She is a fair haired woman with a quick, wiry frame and a Scottish accent. 

They let Crowley rest on the couch as he works through the transition between 7 and 10 centimeters dilated. Within the hour, he was moaning and groaning as the Demon rotated through various positions.

Around nine pm, naked and not caring, Crowley climbs into the birthing pool in the middle of the living room. He lets himself focus solely on his breathing, staying close to Aziraphale. 

Per his boyfriend’s request, the Angel keeps then lights down low and the cottage is quiet. Alice and Azirapahle aren’t speaking, they do what they can to assist Crowley. 

Crowley wants out of the water when it’s no longer warm and the urge to push is overwhelming. Alice encourages him to breath and not push until he is fully dilated. 

He sways back in forth with Aziraphale almost like dancing as the last of his cervix thinned out. The Demon clings to Azirapahle as he grounds himself. 

By 10:30 pm, Crowley has seconds between contractions. He is weary, the pain starting to drain him. Alice offers gas to relieve his pain, and he accepts after twelve long hours of labor.

With Aziraphale’s help, Crowley is back in bed. He leans against the Angel, letting his hips open wide as Crowley rests his feet on a stool.

His bottom is on the edge of the bed. Alice is near by giving a wide berth. She won’t step in unless medically necessary or Crowley asks.

When the cervix is full dilated, effaced and thinned, Alice gives Crowley the green light to push. A fierce cry broke from deep within Crowley as he purposeful bared down.

His body seemed to already know the rhythm to the dance. Crowley followed his instincts, pushing when Aziraphale prompted him.

Within three strong pushes, Crowley felt the baby’s head begin to crown. His hand cupped her head delivering with widest part as the Demon breathed through the burn. 

He swore, relieved when he delivered her head. A few pushes later delivered her shoulders and he paused as Alice checked for the cord. 

A slippery baby came roaringly into Alice’s outstretched, welcoming arms. The baby gave a fierce cry announcing her arrival. 

Once Alice cleared her airway, the baby was placed on Crowley’s naked chest. Aziraphale cuts her cord when it stops pulsating.

Crowley cooed at her affectionate, instantly drawing her to his breast and nursing her. He is glazing at her with such tender affection.

Crowley takes in her beautiful blue eyes and whiteish blond hair. Lydia’s face is a miraculous blend of Azirapahle and Crowley’s features. 

“Hello, sweetheart.”, Crowley beams as he talks to her softly. The couple share a brief kiss and both their eyes are wet with tears of joy. 

Aziraphale is instantly overwhelmed with how much love he posses for his daughter already. He burps the newborn and holds her skin to skin until the Angel hands the baby to the midwife.

Lydia is diapered, swaddled, and dressed in a t-shirt with a purple knotted cap. She is placed in the bassinet, fussing quietly.

The pain returns, contractions urgently reminds Crowley it isn’t over yet. He bares down, pressing his back against Aziraphale’s chest and grunts. 

The second baby is head down, but sunny side up, making it difficult for Crowley to progress. He changed his position and gives a great purposeful push.

He is exhausted. Yet Crowley bares down after fifteen minutes of pushing and finally feels the burn as baby crowns. He pants, birthing her head.

Four pushes later he catches his daughter and swipes her airway before being her to his chest. Azirapahle cuts the cord with Alice’s guidance. 

The newborn cries loudly, unhappy until finally at the breast. Crowley nurses Tabitha, admiring her thick curly tuffets of ginger hair. Her eyes are identical to Lydia’s and he feels relieved.

Crowley kisses her forehead, “Happy birthday, love.”

He hands the newborn to Azirapahle who is star struck by his beautiful, powerful daughter who gives a fierce cry. 

The newborn is handed to Alice who diapers, swaddles and dresses the baby. Tabitha wears a pink knotted cap. 

The newborns are given to Crowley who holds them both as he deliver the afterbirth. When all is said and down, he takes a shower with Aziraphale’s help. 

The girls are weighed, examined and measured before being placed in the bassinet together. Alice takes prints of their feet and documents the delivery. 

Crowley eats a protein shake, a cup of fruit, and two cheeseburgers he miracles out of thin air. He then proceeds to crash, and take a well deserved nap. 

Alice promises to check in for an antenatal and newborn wellness visit in a few weeks. If they need anything, the couple should not hesitated to call.

Aziraphale takes a moment to shower himself and change into pjs. He eats a slice of casserole for dinner and climbs into bed beside the sleeping Demon. 

He listens contently to the sound the babies’ gentle breathing and enjoyed the quiet. Aziraphale felt complete like he had been missing these two little persons in his life and didn’t know it.


	5. Earth Side

One week and two days

Crowley laid in bed in his sleep pants and a t-shirt he stole from Azirphale. His hair was wild and stuck up at all ends. 

His stomach was soft, and sensitive to the touch. He was awful proud of the stretch marks that marked his babies had grown in womb. 

Crowley smiled softly at Aziraphale whose glasses were low on his nose. The Angel read the Sunday paper, an quintessentially human thing to do.

The babies slept in their bassinet after an early morning nursing session.They nursed frequently, hungry little things.

“They’re awful small, aren’t they?”, Crowley asked. 

“The girls are on the skinny side. But look how tall they are, long and lanky like you.”

”Should I be concerned?”

”They’re all legs like you, _my_ _dear._ ”

“Maybe I should miracle some chub on them.” 

“If you are going to perform any make body modifications, perhaps you could miracle yourself some hip sockets.”, Aziraphale teased.

”Nonsense. I like that my hipsss do not lie.”, Crowley hissed.

“You are ridiculous.”. 

The Demon peeked at the girls who slept happily. He cooed at them with such a tender affectionate voice.

“My girls.”

“They’re just like you, my dear boy.”, Azirpahale smiled softly.

The couple enjoyed a moment of quiet. Crowley happily accepted a mug of English breakfast tea as he warmed in the soft sunlight that poured in from the windows

“Would you like something to eat?”, Azirapahle asked.

“An omelette.”

Aziraphale helped Crowley out of bed. He helped him to a black nursing gown adorn with a space theme that matched the nursery. 

The girls were currently swaddled in a coordinating set with a blanket and adorable purple hats. 

The demon stood on shaky legs before he found his center of gravity. He took careful steps being mindful of his healing postpartum body.

Aziraphale carried the girls in the bassinet. He was thankful they choose a Mose basket with handles. The girls’ bassinet was placed on the kitchen table close to Crowley while the Angel made breakfast.

Crowley nearly fell back asleep, laying his head on the kitchen table. He was creature of habit, used to sleeping eight to ten hours with no interruption. The Demon was still adjusting to getting up in the night, nursing every two and half hours. 

His body ached, feeling cramps and bleeding lightly. The worst had to be the fact his chest leaked despite carefully placed nursing pads. 

When Azirapahle had a plate of food for Crowley, he tapped him on the shoulder and prompted him to sit up.

“Here you go.”

“Thanks, Angel.” 

Crowley sat up at the table, wiping a thread of drool from his mouth. His yellow serpentine eyes narrowed in surprise catching the expression of pure unadulterated love on Azirapahle’ face. 

“What?”, Crowley asked, his cheeks warm as he becomes self-conscious. 

“I didn’t know it was I could fall further in love with you.”, Azriaphale couldn’t express the depth of how adoration he had for Crowley and their daughters.

”Oh, you’re a Angel, a being made to love all _Creation_.”, Crowley scoffed. 

“As said being of love,I can promise that I don’t love _you_ the way I love a bee or a tree.”

”Whatever.” Crowley brushed it away like it didn’t bother him he couldn’t feel emotions the way Azirapahle did. 

Aziraphale saw emotions as pure light, bright expression of color. Crowley couldn’t see let alone feel the vibrancy of emotion. He never doubted his love for Azirpahle nor Azirapahle’s love for him.

No, it was wrapped around of centuries of hurt and trauma. Falling from Heaven destroyed part of Crowley. He lost the only Home he knew, shed his body, and become a serpent.

The Fall was associated with loss of identity, rejection, and the jarring experience of experience the world’s brightness with dulled senses. He had to learn navigate the world in a new body.

They ate breakfast in silence. Azriaphale know better than to pick a fight when Crowley felt vulnerable. Don’t corner a snake and anticipate you’ll walk away without getting bitten. 

Crowley enjoyed his omelette, with a side of toast, ham, and fruit. He quietly nursed a cuppa of tea that boasts one’s supply and a chocolate Digestive. 

Crowley happily washed dishes while Azirapahle dried. He was most happy to be standing and out of bed. He liked how mindless simple household chores were.

Before long, Crowley needed to nurse the twins again. During the day, the Demon nursed on demand. He let the hungrier baby, Lydia decide when it was time to eat. 

He found himself in the nursery, seated in a large oversized armchair. Azipharale handed him each baby one at a time. 

He used a nursing pillow to support the girls. Crowley made sure each baby was latched well before putting his headphones in. 

The Demon slipped some water and let them eat. He happily munched on a snack, feeding them for about thirty minutes. 

It took them both to managed getting the girls burped. Azipharale changed diapers and changed their clothes before settling them in their cribs for a morning nap. 

Aziraphale grabbed the baby monitor. He was thankful for humanity’s knack for innovation allowing him to keep an eye on the twins.

The Angel stole a kiss from his boyfriend.

”Would you like to sit out on porch?”

“I’d like that.” Crowley said softly. 

Crowley settled in a cushioned outdoor lounge chair happily intertwining his hand with Azirapahle’s.

“How are you feeling, darling?”, Azirphale asked. 

“Achy and sore. Everything is still healing down _there_.”

“Oh right.”, Azriaphale sounded caught off guard. 

“You know most my existence i haven’t bother with genitalia. So this new, but I don’t mind it.”, Crowley said referring to the feminine features on his otherwise man-shaped body.

Demons and Angels are genderless by default. Though, Crowley has often expressed himself as either masculine and feminine. He embraced the fluidity of gender and personal expression. 

“I always thought you were very attractive as as the Nanny.”

”So you don’t mind this body of mine?”

“You are a fierce warrior whose form brings forth nourishment and life” 

“You are a sap.”

They share a kiss. Crowley napped in the sun until it was time for lunch.

Shortly after lunch it was time to fed the girls again. He felt like caring for the girls was like clockwork. But Crowley didn’t mind nursing, especially not when Aziraphale sat near by reading a book.

Crowley listened to his music, singing softly to the girls as they ate. Angelic fledglings did not eat for the same nutrient benefits as human infants.

Whether breast or bottle, feeding is an intimate expression of parental care and affection. Angel fledglings require being taught how to express affection through a song-like noises that are made in the back of one’s throat.

The fledglings thrive when held and loved. Their entire development much like human infants hinges on interaction, communication, and language. 

The girls loved being sung, read and spoken too. When Crowley thrummed a happy sound, they cuddled closer and nursed better.

Crowley gathered his wings around them instinctively as they curled into his warm, bare chest. The three of them fell into harmony with happy songs. 

It was almost like flying, creating entire galaxies as Crowley, then known as Raphael as he hung the stars and brought planets into orbit.

Doubt always creeped into Crowley’s mind. He was once Raphael, an archangel who helped Godself shake the stars to create humans out of everything that is.

He was a glorious warrior, the patron of healing. Raphael fell for caring too, for questioning everything.

It doesn’t seem like a good reason to be deemed incompatible, unredeemable or an abomination. All Crowley did was question things.

The Demon began to weep. He made a cry of distress which upset the girls and got Azirapahle’s attention. 

Even Azirapahle a grown cestial being could not tolerate the waves of shame and despair. He immediately wrapped his wings around Crowley. 

Aziraphale touched Crowley’s bare shoulder, “Dear boy, please come back to me.”

Crowley wept openly, he whimpered into Azirapahle’s affectionate arms. The Angel thrummed softly, a lullaby like tune which soothed the Demon and the babies.

Crowley relaxed, he went limb like a ragdoll as Azriaphale held him and pressed soft kissed into his skin.

The girls seemed to settle, curling against Crowley’s chest as they finished nursing. Once they finished eating, Crowley burped the babies one at a time.

Azirapahle changed them and the four of them snuggled. They all needed affection.

”What upset you?”, Azirphale asked.

”Becoming a parent made me think about the Fall.”

”Oh.”

”I wasn’t good enough for Heaven.”

”Crowley, don’t say that. They don’t deserve you.”

”Yet only God Herself could’ve known this was exactly what I needed.”

”The Ineffable Plan, my dear.”

”Somedays, Angel, I really wonder.”

”Ah.”

”I promise to love our children forever. They all always be welcome here.”

”I couldn’t have said it better myself.” Aziraphale smiled softly.

Azirapahle couldn’t imagine this was over. Peeling away Crowley’s hurts would take centuries. He doesn’t mind though, the Angel will be by his side as long as it takes.

It began to rain. It was a bittersweet day that calls for cocoa and cuddles.


	6. Sick Day

Four weeks and five Days

Aziraphale admits to himself that he worries about Crowley. It was not unlike the Demon to be sad and dealing with bouts of depression.

The Demon seemed to adore the babies and enjoy nursing. He is an excellent father, tending to their needs dotingly. Crowley adored Aziraphale and expressed his affection often. 

Depression does not mean a person is always sad or incapable of happiness. The Demon had periods of sadness, moping around the house.

It doesn’t mean a person doesn’t wash dishes, care for their family or function. Depression defers from person to person. Crowley has had severe to moderate depression his entire existence. 

Crowley always been an internal processor, thinking in his mind thinks over before bringing something up with another person. 

Azirapahle had a feeling Crowley was thinking about the Fall in particular. He could only imagine what doubts and insecurity one might feel if they had been so close to their Mother for her to untimely reject them.

Of course, God is not exactly like having a human parent. Not anything like how the couple is raising their girls. But She is the closest thing to a parent Crowley had.

She created him, a beautiful angelic warrior with auburn wings and long ginger curly hair. Then Crowley fell, losing his angelic features and gaining serpentine ones. It must’ve felt like an awful personal loss, Aziraphale speculated. He couldn’t imagine how traumatic the Fall was for Crowley.

Parenthood often brought up fears, anxieties and insecurities. But Azirapahle worried about Crowley’s appetite and his wellbeing. He was doing a great job caring for the girls, but not much himself. The Angel did not get a chance to address this before Crowley fell ill. 

Crowley was not particularly happy. He didn’t feel good, running a low grade fever and sniffling. The girls also had runny noses. They had colds.

Crowley spent the day laying in bed with a wet wash cloth on his forehead. The Demon wrapped himself in a blanket burrito. He shivered and his teeth chattered.

Aziraphale had been an absolute saint bringing the girls to Crowley for feeds. Dealing with cold like symptoms while caring for newborns is no walk in the park. 

He kept their schedule on track, nursing 8-12 times within a 24 hour period even if Crowley and the girls didn’t feel great. The healing properties in breast milk were very important.

Azirapahle began to wring his hands nervously. He insisted on calling Alice their midwife. She would have advice, but Azira worried they’d have to see a human doctor at a clinic or worse a hospital.

Crowley cooperated when prompted to take a shower and change clothes. He happily went without a shirt and bra, content to dress in sweats and his space themed nursing gown. He didn’t feel like wearing constricting clothes.

He slipped some soup and tried to nap a bit. Crowley seemed willing to listen to Azirphale and nurse the girls.

Alice came by around 12:30 pm before the girls went down for their nap. Crowley laid in bed, limbs half thrown over a pillow.

She gave him a check up encouraging him to continue drinking fluids, eat and nursing. Alice felt comfortable knowing the girls were maintain weight, eating well, and excreting waste.

He seemed to feel immensely better after she massaged his temple relieving his headache.

Crowley finally slept peacefully and snored contently. Alice reviewed Aziraphale’s careful, meticulous documentation of the girls’ nursing and bathroom habits.

She gave them a look over and weighed them without waking either. They seemed healthy, gaining weight steadily since delivery. Still long and lanky, but now weighing 7.7 pounds & 7.5 pounds respectively.

Alice reassured Aziraphale and gave him with some literature on chronic depression. It was a relief to hold the information in his hand. A name, postnatal depression as is known in the U.K. (postpartum depression in the States.)

Crowley exhibited mildly signs, just something to be aware of. Alice suggested a therapist and support group. It made Azirapahle tear up, but he was grateful.

Though Aziraphale felt totally out of his depth trying to explain postnatal depression to Crowley. He chose not to address it immediately.

The Angel did not blame Crowley whose occult vessel was overwhelmed with hormones and waves of emotion. It couldn’t be easy to feel like your own body is foreign to you. Occult and ethereal beings are no usually effected by hormones like humans are. 

Crowley also thrived when he got enough fresh air and sunshine. Azirapahle knew his boyfriend’s physical activity had been limited by his healing body and nursing.

It would get better with each passing week he hoped. Crowley definitely was effected by not getting his daily dose of fresh air and sunshine. 

Azirapahle climbed into bed beside Crowley. They laid within arm’s reach, hands intertwined. Crowley seemed happy to see Aziraphale.

”How are you feeling, my dear?”

”Eh. Everything aches, I’m freezing and my nose is stuffed up.

”I’m so sorry.”

”It’s not your fault.”

”I wish I could miracle it all away.”

”It’ll pass, Angel.”

Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s hand. 

“Can I ask you something?”

”Okay.”

”What’s eating away at you?”

”How could a parent not love their child?”, Crowley asked in a small voice.

”Could you give me an example?”

”Religious parents who turn away their children for being their authentic selves.”

“Does this have to do with your Fall?”

”She created me! How could She not love me?”

”You are allowed to be angry with her.”, Azirphale said calmly as he smoothed out his sweater.

”Don’t say that you might fall!”, Crowley hissed.

”Crowley, you went though something very traumatic.”, Azirphale shushed him.

Crowley paused, tears filling his eyes. He wasn’t expecting validation and empathy.

“I am furious with Her.”, The Demon roared.

”What are you angry about?”

“The Fall, Eden, Original Sin, Ishmael, Babel,The Great Flood, Jesus dying.”

“Let it out, dearie.”, Azirapahle encouraged. Crowley began to weep and the Angel held him.

“She hurt me, Zira.”

“Tell me about it?”

”When She cast me out, I lost the ability to feel Her love. I never forgave Her for that.”

”Oh. I’m so sorry, Crowley.”, Aziraphale’s voice cracked. 

“I can’t sense how brilliant and vibrant all is creation any longer. It’s like seeing the world in black and white when it used to be technicolor.”

”Can you sense how much I love you?”

”Sure, it’s muted. But I can sense you and the girls. It’s like having your head under water trying to hear the voices around you.”

”I never knew that.”

”When you kiss me, touch me, love me, I feel nothing but love and devotion.” 

Aziraphale kisses his forehead. 

“Like now?”

”All warmth, Angel.”, Crowley purs.

Aziraphale smiled softly. They laid like that until Aziraphale could find the strength in his voice again.

”Alice left a pamphlet for you.”

“Hmm.”

”Support groups, therapists, medication. It can be quite manageable.”

”Postnatal depression.”, Crowley whispered, unsure of how the word tasted in his mouth.

”How long have you known?”

”I’ve suspected for a while.”

”Ah.”

”I’ve always had depression, Angel.”

”I don’t mean to imply that I’d force you to get help.”

”I know you worry, sweetheart.”, Crowley kissed the Angel’s arm, pressing kisses into his skin.

Aziraphale shivered with affection. Crowley’s tenderness effected him. 

“I want you to know you have options.”

“I’m not sure I could go to therapy, Angel. I mean a supernatural being can’t exactly discuss the nuances of Heaven and Hell.”

”You don’t have to explain it. It’s simple, Crowley. You have a complicated relationship with your Mother and extended family.”

”I’ll think about.”

”That’s all I ask.”

”Thank you, Azirapahle.”

”What for?”

”Supporting me.” 

“Always.”


	7. Mum Is The Word [Part I]

Eight Weeks And Three Days Old

Crowley is feeling much better as he keeps himself busy and active. He goes for walks, spends time in his garden and cat naps. He finds busyness, routine and down time keep the gloomy feelings manageable most days..

He begins to pump as to give himself a break from time to time, still breast feeding often. Crowley even begins to see a therapist and attend a parent’s group. 

He still has bouts of feeling blue, by far, Crowley seems to be doing well. It has it’s ups and downs, especially therapy session in conjunction to the demands of parenthood.

Crowley begins attending therapy twice a week. A private session once a week with a kind eyed, fierce woman named Sam. The woman is a licensed pastoral counselor, Episcopal priest and supernatural hunter.

Divinity nor occult-ethereal babies scare her away. Sam also finds Crowley’s serpentine eyes fascinating. She reads him like an open book.

Groups therapy can be a bore, but Crowley is beginning to like them. He has yet to speak up, just listening. 

As he walks home from the community center, Crowley notices a woman is following him. He tried to shake her, weaving a new path.

As he rounds the corner, Crowley catches a glimpse of her. He growls lowly, patting his pockets in search of a weapon.

His heart begins to race, his breathing increases and his palms begin to sweat. Crowley doesn’t have any weapons, he’s grown too comfortable in his domestic life in the English country side. 

He will have to use to use his body. Crowley unexpectedly turns on his feet and uses his elbow to pin her against a brick wall.

The woman has short curly salt and pepper gray hair. She has laugh lines and age spots on her beautiful freckled face. Her skin olive sun-kissed skin radiates brilliance. 

”Who are you?!”

”I am who I am.”

Crowley's eyes widen in panic. He tries to sense her aura but cannot. It is probably a trap, Crowley thinks.

“You’ve got the wrong person, ma’m.” He hissed impatiently.

”I think I’d know the soul I knitted together in my womb, Raphael.” 

“Who sent you?”, Crowley panics.

“Can’t a Nan visit her granddaughters?”

“Get away from me.”, Crowley squawks.

”Don’t you recognize you Mum, Raph?”

Crowley is not amused. He begins to pray with quivering lips under his breath for Azriaphale to hear him. He prays for Azirapahle to run, take the girls and flee to Alpha Centuri.

Crowley releases the woman and begins to runaway. God is struck by a sudden wave of grief. Her beloved Raphael did not recognize her presence.

It begins to rain, not entirely unusual for England. Crowley can’t go home again, he realizes. He can’t lead that thing to their home. 

The Demon hasn’t felt something so ancient and powerful since running across Adam. The boy thrumed with divinity, abit tainted grace but powerful nevertheless.

Crowley ducks across an empty alley way and towards Sam’s office at the Episcopal Church.

It’s power is not nearly as concentrated as medieval churches like St. Paul in London.

The hallowed grounds at St. Jude’s Episcopal Church only make Crowley itchy. His clothes are soaked and his hair disheveled as he pokes his head into Sam’s office. 

The reverend notices his panicky state immediately.

“Crowley, What is wrong?”

”Um. Something big. Supernatural. Ancient tailing me.”

“No weapons?”

”Nah. Guess I went soft, Rev.”

”Hmm. Here.”, the Reverend dug through a box of weapons and handed him a blade.

”I’m a lover not a fighter, I’m afraid.”, Crowley carefully minded the blade.

”It’s an Angel blade.”

”Oi. I’ll likely to impale myself.”

”Then you better mind the blade.”

”Could I call Azirapahle?”

”Sure.”

”I didn’t want to lead them to our home.”

”You did good, Crowley.”, Sam squeezed his shoulder.

”Yeah?”, Crowley asked softly.

”Yeah.”

Crowley excuses himself to call Azirapahle. It’s nice to hear the Angel’s voice. They make a plan. Azirphale will take the emergency bag, drive the Bentley and meet Crowley at the Church.

They leave immediately for a safe house and give it a few days. If necessary, the family can flee to the stars till things cool off.

Crowley’s limbs shake like a leaf. He is afraid, his head hurts and the Demon wants to cry. He can hear Sam speaking to the woman.

It’s strange how everything goes quiet. Sam and the woman are talking quietly, sitting on a bench in the sanctuary.

Crowley doesn’t hear fighting or spoken prays damning a demon back to Hell. No cries of pain as an angel blade obliterates an ethereal soul.

Crowley stays put, waiting for Azriaphale and the Bentley. The office has a secret door in the closet leading outside, an escape route. 

St. Jude Episcopal Church has been harbored souls in need of refuge for a long time. Crowley is about to descend down the hall for an escape around the time he hears Sam call his name. 

He pokes his head out and finds Sam talking to the woman.

”Crowley, I think you ought to sit down.”, The Reverend is awestricken.

”This is the _thing_ that was trailing me.”

”That’s no way to talk about your Mum.”, God chided.

”I believe her, Crowley.”, Sam admits quietly.

”Tell me something only God Would know.” Crowley is smug, body language defensive.

”In order to create human kind, I had to shake the stars you created from the sixth quadrant.”

Crowley watches her come closer to him. God places her hands on Crowley’s forehead. She calls on repressed memories to awaken.

“I don’t want to speak with you. Mum.”

For the first time in 6,000 years Crowley’s vessel thrums with an odd combination of ethereal-occult energy. Maybe it always has, Crowley just didn’t know it.

His archangelic grace is awaken. His broken grace begins to mend under God’s guidance. He is neither a demon nor an angel.

Crowley is neither and both. He is Anthony J. Crowley, Demon and Raphael, Archangel, the Patron Of Healing. 

”I’m so sorry, Raph, er Anthony, darling. I hurt you.”, God’s voice is filled with sincerity and regret.

Crowley begins to weep. He is overwhelmed with the familiarity of God’s divine love and grace. She feels like Azirphale, yet distinctly feminine and Herself. 

Crowley is a mess as he weeps and he weeps. He has to shut his eyes. It is overwhelming to go from muted feelings to sense the world in its technicolor brilliance.

He must lose track of time because when Crowley wakes he is home. Azirapahle is sitting beside God, they are both nursing a cup of tea.

The babies are content as Sam keeps an eye on them.

”Oh hello, sweetheart.” Azirphale coos.

”Angel?”

”I’m here. So are the girls, Pastor Sam and God.”

”What happened?”

”I think you were simply overstimulated.”

”Ah. Our Mum is here?”

”Yeah.

”God walking around in a vessel. Not a nightmare?”

”It’s very much real.”

“I might pass out again.”

”Don’t you dare.”

TBC


	8. Mum is the word Part II

The Demon fed the babies and put them down for a nap. He was relieved to hold them close, thankful their life wasn’t in danger at the moment.

Crowley feels stunned, sitting on the couch across from God Herself. Azirapahle is in the kitchen fixing a cuppa. Sam is in the kitchen with Azirapahle having tea.

For once Crowley is speechless, his mind quiet instead of buzzing with thoughts. He isn’t sure where to start as the demon just basks in the presence of God.

She feels the sunshine on a beautiful day in London. Her soul is like an endless void of love and grace. Crowley never knew how similar her aura felt to Azirpahle’s until now. 

“I’m so sorry for failing you, Crowley.”, God breaks the silence with an apology.

“Do you mean it?”, Crowley’s broken voice asked, fighting tears.

“Yes. I never should’ve let you go this long thinking you weren’t loved.”

Crowley is shocked by her sincerity. But he is shaken by a sense of internal turmoil.

“I’ve carried 6,000 years of trauma with me.”

”I wish I could take it all back. But I get the feeling that’s not your wish.”

“I’m not Raphael anymore. My name is Anthony J. Crowley. I like the life I chose, Mum.”

”I think you understand free will better than other beings I created.”

“What do you mean?”

”Giving human kind the ability to make their choices was not a mistake.”

”What about angels and demons?”

”You and Aziraphale are living proof I have no problem with individuals craving out their own destinies.”

“Then why cast out me?”

”You were never content in Heaven.”

”I didn’t like the policies and management. I sure did like spending my time healing angels and creating the stars.”, Crowley argues.

”Dear, I am very pleased with you.” 

“Why cast me out?”, Crowley hissed.

”I didn’t know what to do.” 

“What!?”

“You scared me, Crowley.”

”Excuse me?”

”Despite What theologians think, I am not a one monolithic being. I am constantly evolving as a person.”

”Explain.”

“Before I sent Jesus of Nazareth to Earth, I didn’t understand anyone, dear.”

“Okay.”

”I learned so much by walking around with humankind. I see why you love them so much.”

”I don’t understand.”

”Crowley, I recognized that humans aren’t inherently good or evil. They are simply human.”

”Ah.”

”They are so brilliant.”

”We can agree on that.”

”You are one of my most favorite beings.” 

”Forgive me if I struggle to believe that.”

“You become the person you were always meant to be with the choices you made, darling.”

”I’m not sure I want you in my life.”

”I understand.”

“You do?”

”As much as I feel an overwhelming sense of regret and grief around how I treated you, I cannot force you to allow me to be apart of you life.” 

“Now, I’m really lost.”

”Forcing anyone to love you isn’t attractive.”

”I guess you’re right.” 

“That’s why I gave humankind free will, Anthony. I want them to free chose to have faith in me.”

”Does that apply to occult and ethereal beings as well?”

”Of course.”

”I-I need time.”

“Goodbye, darling.”, God kisses Crowley’s forehead. They’re forehead to forehead, he can feel her warm breath on his skin.

Crowley senses her ineffable love for him. She truly misses him, waves of grief and remorse hang heavy in the air. The Demon believes her to be sincere.

God moves to stand, willing to walk away and leave Crowley’s family home if he wished. 

”Wait!”, Crowley breathed, he hesitated. His hand finds her, stopping her with a squeeze.

”What is it, sweetheart?”

”Don’t go yet.”, Crowley begged.

”I’ll follow your lead, Anthony.”

Crowley leads her into the kitchen. Aziraphale gives God a side eye and protectively takes his boyfriend’s hand in his. Sam looks a mix of amused and shocked at the notion of taking tea with God Herself.

”I’m not going to hurt him any longer.”, God voices to Azirapahle.

”You have a lot of explaining to do.”

“I’ve come to see the error of my ways my beautiful children. I hope to right my wrongs.”

“Meaning?”, Azirpahle is giving her his best cold bastard face. If Crowley wasn’t so damn upset, he might’ve laughed. 

“I am going to do what I should’ve done earlier. Restructuring Heaven and cleaning up Hell.”

”How?”, Crowley asked.

”I’ve spoken with Lucifer. He’s retaken the throne and imposing regulations. I will whip the Archangelic leadership in shape and take an active role in the company.”

”Wow. Where were you when I prayed to you in the last eleven years?”, Azirpahle’s voice was cold.

”I failed you, Azirapahle.”

“No, Mum. You failed the entire world.”

”I’m so sorry, dear.”

“That is not _enough.”,_ the Angel hissed. 

“You are right. I have been apathetic and unkind to Creation.”, God begins to weep. Azipharale’s eyes widen when he hears the wind begin to pick up and heavy rain descending outside.

Crowley and Aziraphale look at each other. Sam offered God a tissue and She eventually settles down.

“I need to see action, not words that reflect you genuinely repent of your ways.”, Aziraphale poised his lips firmly. 

”That is fair.”

”You are forgiven.”, Crowley looks at the God of all Creation. The weight of the words are not lost on Azirapahle and the Reverend.

”W-what?”

”A man named Jesus of Nazareth taught me unconditional love and forgiveness are readily available if you are willing to put the work in to be a better person.”, Crowley voiced.

”I don’t deserve your kindness.”

”No, that’s mercy.” Mercy is sparing someone from the punishment they deserve.”

”I don’t know what to say.”

“In this home, you are always welcome and loved beyond measure, even when you fuck up.”

”B-But...”, Aziraphale voices only to be shushed by Crowley.

”Go and sin no more.”, Crowley repeats the words of Jesus.

“That sounds reasonable.”

Crowley showed God to the door. He feels a weight of his chest. He has forgiven God Herself, breaking the chains that weighed him down.

Forgiveness does not mean a person’s actions are justified. It is a measured course of action in which you release the power of their wrong doing from continuing to burden you. 

That isn't to say Crowley won’t struggle in the future with his PTSD caused by Fall. Just that he took a damn big step towards healing his heart again. 


	9. The Summons

12 Weeks and Three Days

Crowley adored his daughters. They had settled into a easy routine nursing every three and half hours. In the mornings, they went for walks, had tummy time, and Aziraphale read to the girls. They napped several times through the day, playing in the living room when they were awake, and cooing incessantly. With growing independence, Crowley didn't feel as overwhelmed. He worked in the gardens in the afternoon while the girls played in their pac n play. Fresh air, support groups, keeping busy, and taking breaks did wonders for Crowley's postnatal blues. 

He still had difficult days when Crowley laid in bed upset. But for now he was taking things one day at a time. Things were improving in Heaven and Hell in the last few weeks. True to Her Word, God was restructuring Heaven and Hell. Since Lucifer reclaimed the throne downstairs, Hell has improved greatly and better yet, let Crowley be. He received a notice in the mail awarding him with several millennial of parental leave and health care. Aziraphale was surprised when Hell offered better benefits than Heaven. Aziraphale was granted paternal leave, but with a notice that he would be expected Upstairs for a meeting with God Herself. 

Aziraphale sat at the dinner table with a summons in his hand looking flabbergasted. His glasses low on his eyes, a frown etched onto his beautiful cherubic face. Crowley felt a sense of dread seeing his boyfriend upset. 

"Are you alright, Angel?"  


"I've received a summons to travel Upstairs for a meeting."

"When?"

  
"As soon as possible."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"To Heaven, Crowley, can you?"

"I dunno. Never tried it."

"You should stay here with the girls where it's safe."

"Invite God to dinner, say Thursday night."

"Why would you want Her in our home?"

"I forgave God, Aziraphale."

"How after the awful way the Divine treated you?"

"I know what it's like to feel remorseful, lost, cast out. God is hurting, Azira. She has made mistakes and trying to do the right thing."

"You amaze me sometimes."

  
"Yeah?'

"You're a bigger person than me to be kind to Her."

"It's hard to explain, Angel. I believe I could've taken an infinite amount of paths, but this is the one I took and made my own."  


"The Fall hurt you, dearest. She cast you out."

  
"Aye. She did. What I'm learning about parenting is that we make mistakes, we hurt our kids, and sometimes, we have to admit we made the wrong decision."

  


"I'm not sure I can forgive her."

"I mean leaving humanity unprotected when the Anti-Christ came into play was a dickish move. But I think in hindsight, we were always in good hands. We were in our hands with a boast of grace perhaps."

"What do you mean?"

  
"She gave us free will, Angel. We decided to stand on our side. Adam chose not to be evil, he craved out his own destiny. May be we were always meant to forge our paths, I mean."

  
"Oh, _Crowley_.", Aziraphale said softly. 

"I mean, it doesn't justify the hurt and trauma I feel still."

"Of course."

"I'm not telling you how to feel about God. I'm just saying I've made my peace."

Aziraphale kissed Crowley, gently like the entire world might fall apart. They rested forehead to forehead, just breathing together for a moment.

"Be safe, dearest. I'm off to Heaven."

"I'll be waiting for you."

Aziraphale used the sigil and traveled Upstairs in an instant. He was welcomed by the Archangel Micheal and was surprised to be escorted to a gold gilded elevator. 

"How are your daughters, Aziraphale?"

"They're wonderful, Micheal."

"And the Demon, Crowley?"

"He is doing much better, Micheal."

"I'm glad to hear that, Aziraphale."

"How are you, Micheal?"  


"Oh, no one has asked me that before.", Micheal sounded surprised. Before adding, "I'm much happier now that Mother has returned."

"That's great, Micheal."

"I-I felt lonely without Her."

"Ah, as did I."

"Good luck, Aziraphale. We've arrived." The door opens, and Aziraphale steps onto the floor. Micheal does not follow him. 

  
"Oh. Thank you."

Aziraphale is guided down the hallway by Metatron to God's office. They're left alone, Aziraphale takes in the sight of God in all white pantsuit with red heels and a black scarf. She looks beautiful, makeup and hair impeccable.

"Take a seat, darling."

"Yes, ma'm."

"No need for formality here."

"Why have you called me here?" 

"To offer you a position."  


  
"I don't want to play your games."

"I want to appoint you as the Principality of Earth."

"Excuse me?"

"Earth needs a defender. I can't imagine anyone better for the task."

"What about Crowley?"  


  
"You would remain based out of South Downs, raise your family, and be with your husband."

"What would my responsibilities entail?'"

"Your immediate charge is to protect Earth from harm, perform blessings, and oversee the Anti-Christ as he grows."

  
"Okay, I'll do it."

"Thank you, Aziraphale."

"Crowley wanted me to invite you to dinner on Thursday."

"Oh, thank you." 

"If that's all I better be off."

  
"Go ahead. I"ll see your Thursday."

And that is the story of how God started joining the couple for dinner weekly. Aziraphale took on his new charge with beaming pride and joy. For the most part, he was left alone to be with his family. Like Crowley, he was given gracious leave to raise their daughters for several centuries. Things got better with time, Christmas was bound to be thrilling and interesting. Crowley giggled at the idea of God, the Them, Anthema Newt, the girls, himself and Aizraphale home for the celebration. 


End file.
